well...

I may not even have made it to the place I was before, but I have lost approximately 4lbs (depending) due to - wait for it - exercise!

I'm feeling okay about it at the moment. I'm going to do some crunches before the ball tomorrow, but otherwise I feel okay, I guess. I hadn't remembered how much weight I gained through sitting on my bottom and doing nothing.

I am lucky, in that L seems to be as happy with me now as he was when we met (when I was a UK size 10)

Why

Ok, I'm going to admit it. The entire reason I want to lose weight is for me.

I am tired of looking in the mirror and feeling like cr@p

Trouble is, when I feel like that I reach for the (half-fat) ice-cream, or the choccie biscuits, or toast, or crisps, or a mars bar, a flake, anything - oh anything - that I can eat to take my mind off how awful I feel. And it's not just my mirror in my house, it's mirrors at work, in shops, windows - anything reflective!

I wish there were a quick way, even getting ill over this weekend doesn't seem to have helped. In fact, it makes me feel worse as I turn to the food again for comfort.

And then, if I don't feel attractive, how am I supposed to act sexy? I am the cr@ppest girlfriend on the planet. Stuck with dating a hippo isn't bad enough, you have to date a really self-conscious hippo.

And now, I've taken away the thing that takes away those inhibitions. I've quit drinking. Had to be done, but now I have little chance to feel how I want to, unless I lose the weight. I haven't even dared to weigh myself, because I know how depressed I will be.

Ha! And L stumbled accross an old website of mine (now deleted) on which one of my top 100 favourite things was that I could eat whatever I liked without gaining any weight. Once, maybe, now - in my dreams. (no, not the dreams where I'm being smothered with a croissant...)

It's so annoying - I spent years correcting my bad attitude to food, from the days when I was a 24inch waist and wore clothes that looked like they were sprayed on, to now, when I refuse to wear cropped things, hipsters, short skirts. I can't wear knee-high boots because my calves are too fat.

blub blob blub blob blub blob (that's me walking naked)

Hmm

It's not started well. I've done some excercise in the form of moving house, and not much else. I do intend to go jogging or something, but keep failing to get around to it.


No excuses. Rubbish.

Begin Again

But less of a diet, more of a plan.

New house, start jogging, 20 mins excercise every two days.

Diet will be that I'm on fish only, especially at restaurants!

Tits-up

Diet not going to plan.

Probably lost no weight.

May have gained weight.

Pants.

Not good.

I just like chocolate. Why should I feel the need to be thin? What's wrong with being a (UK) size 12-14? Hmm? I'm never going to have a bum like Kylie's or legs like a model, I don't have boobs like a page 3 girl. But it shouldn't be! There should be people in the public eye who are larger (and who aren't comediennes). Not even! Larger - hah! Just not waif like would be nice. I hate hating my figure, but is it ever going to end? I know it's futile and stupid. But that doesn't stop me.

Weigh In Again

Week 4 begins with the Saturday weigh in. Sucessful? No.

I've managed to get right back to where I started. Not what I was aiming for, as is obvious. I think that I probably don't have the willpower to stop eating all the crap I eat! I've been excercising, but I don't really think that it's helping. So I'm mostly not very pleased with myself.

And I also found out that there's all sorts of scary reasons to be slimmer, health wise. I shouldn't read magazines, they give me ideas!

OH NO! Day

So, the weigh in again. I'm dissapointed, I've put weight back on (that'd be from not excercising much this week - oh and the Nachos last week probably) So here it is:

• weight: 11st 5lb (up by 3 this week but still down by 2 overall...)
  
• body fat: 29% on the nose
  
• bust: 25" (Oh no!)
  
• waist: 31.5 (water retention?)
  
• hips: 33"
  

Day 21

Ok, I've not posted for 3 days. I'm still doing the diet thing, but I'm bored of keep posting what I've eaten, and you guys can't be interested. So I'll just keep note of other stuff now. Like that fact that I failed and ate a twirl today. And cookie dough yesterday. However I will behave now. Or I'll try...

Day 18

• Breakfast: peanut butter sandwich, tea,
  
• Snacks: 3 chocolate
  
• Lunch: jacket + cheese
  
• snacks: 2 chocolate, malt loaf
  
• Dinner: soup, tea
  

Day 17

• Breakfast: mini shredded wheat + raisins, tea
  
• Snacks: 2 hot chocs
  
• Lunch: bolognaise
  
• Snacks: 3 hot choc, 1 tea,
  
• Dinner: 2 cokes, cauliflower cheese, sausages, potatoes.
  

Day 16

• Breakfast: toast, tea
  
• Lunch: cheesy beans on toast, tea
  
• Snacks: tea
  
• Dinner: chinese (sob) flat 7up.
  

Day 15

• Breakfast: peanut butter sandwich, tea
  
• Lunch/Dinner: nachos. appletise.
  
• Snacks: tea.
  

Day 15 - the weigh in!

Got weighed today after my bath. Was a bit worried, but needlessly it seems (or my scales have gone nuts!) I am now as follows:

• 11.2 Stones in weight (yey!)
  
• 28.5% body fat (yey!)
  
• 36.5" Bust
  
• 30" Waist
  
• 42" Hip
  

maybe I was having a fat day before...

Day 14

• Breakfast: Peanut butter sandwich, cup of tea with sugar
  
• Snacks: 1 hot chocolate from the machine
  
• Lunch: Chicken wrap with curly fries and salad, large white wine
  
• Snacks: 2 more hot chocolates from the machine
  
• Dinner: Pork steak, mash, peas and sweetcorn. Cup of tea with sugar.
  
• Snacks: Cup of tea with sugar, small cake with icing.
  

Day 13 (unlucky for some)

• Breakfast: tea with sugar
  
• Snacks: 3 hot chocolates from the machine
  
• Lunch: Jacket potato with cheese and beans
  
• Snacks: 2 hot chocolates from the machine
  
• Dinner: Chilli Chicken with rice and salad, belgian waffle with chocolate, vadka and coke
  
• Snacks: tea with sugar, lollipop
  

Day 12

• Breakfast: Toast, tea with sugar
  
• Snacks: vending machine chocolate x2
  
• Lunch: bangers and mash
  
• Snacks: vending machine chocolate x2
  
• Dinner: nachos (naughty!)
  
• Snacks: tea with sugar
  

Day 11

• Breakfast: cup of tea with sugar
  
• Snacks: 1 vending machine hot chocolate
  
• Lunch: pasta bake
  
• Snacks: 2 vending machine hot chocolate
  
• Dinner: Chicken thighs, new potatoes, beans
  
• Snacks: 1 belgian chocolate, cup of tea with sugar
  

Day 10

• Breakfast: cup of tea with sugar
  
• Snacks: 2 oatmeal and raisin homemade cookies, cup of vending machine chocolate x 3
  
• Lunch: Chilli, rice, a nacho.
  
• Snacks: 2 oatmeal and raisin homemade cookies, cup of vending machine chocolate x 2
  
• Dinner: bolognaise pasta bake
  
• Snacks: 5 chocolate balls, glass of fanta, 2 vodka/diet-cokes
  

Day 9

• Breakfast: none
  
• Snacks: cup of tea with sugar
  
• Lunch: 2 bacon, egg, 2 hash brown, black pudding, tomatoes, beans, 2 sausage, 2 cups of tea with sugar.
  
• Snacks: none
  
• Dinner: 2 teacakes with cheese on. Glass of Fanta.
  
• Snacks: 3 chocolate balls, 2 chocolate balls with soft centers, cup of tea with sugar.
  

Day 8

• Breakfast: none
  
• Snacks: none
  
• Lunch: 1 round of toast with peanut butter, cup of tea 1 sugar.
  
• Snacks: none
  
• Dinner: none
  
• Snacks: 4 mini pizzas (about 1.5 inches diameter), mini spring roll, mini chilli cheese bite, mini bacon/cheese thingy (2). 5 jelly sweets, approx 2/3 bottle of Fat Sam's Margarita, 1 large glass of Fat Sam's Pina Colada, 1 glass lemonade. 3 cheese-and-pineapple-onna-stick.