well...

I may not even have made it to the place I was before, but I have lost approximately 4lbs (depending) due to - wait for it - exercise!

I'm feeling okay about it at the moment. I'm going to do some crunches before the ball tomorrow, but otherwise I feel okay, I guess. I hadn't remembered how much weight I gained through sitting on my bottom and doing nothing.

I am lucky, in that L seems to be as happy with me now as he was when we met (when I was a UK size 10)

Why

Ok, I'm going to admit it. The entire reason I want to lose weight is for me.

I am tired of looking in the mirror and feeling like cr@p

Trouble is, when I feel like that I reach for the (half-fat) ice-cream, or the choccie biscuits, or toast, or crisps, or a mars bar, a flake, anything - oh anything - that I can eat to take my mind off how awful I feel. And it's not just my mirror in my house, it's mirrors at work, in shops, windows - anything reflective!

I wish there were a quick way, even getting ill over this weekend doesn't seem to have helped. In fact, it makes me feel worse as I turn to the food again for comfort.

And then, if I don't feel attractive, how am I supposed to act sexy? I am the cr@ppest girlfriend on the planet. Stuck with dating a hippo isn't bad enough, you have to date a really self-conscious hippo.

And now, I've taken away the thing that takes away those inhibitions. I've quit drinking. Had to be done, but now I have little chance to feel how I want to, unless I lose the weight. I haven't even dared to weigh myself, because I know how depressed I will be.

Ha! And L stumbled accross an old website of mine (now deleted) on which one of my top 100 favourite things was that I could eat whatever I liked without gaining any weight. Once, maybe, now - in my dreams. (no, not the dreams where I'm being smothered with a croissant...)

It's so annoying - I spent years correcting my bad attitude to food, from the days when I was a 24inch waist and wore clothes that looked like they were sprayed on, to now, when I refuse to wear cropped things, hipsters, short skirts. I can't wear knee-high boots because my calves are too fat.

blub blob blub blob blub blob (that's me walking naked)

Hmm

It's not started well. I've done some excercise in the form of moving house, and not much else. I do intend to go jogging or something, but keep failing to get around to it.


No excuses. Rubbish.

Begin Again

But less of a diet, more of a plan.

New house, start jogging, 20 mins excercise every two days.

Diet will be that I'm on fish only, especially at restaurants!